Episode 32
one-legged table
We are made to be interconnected. We are made to rely on each other, which means we need other people around us. We fall down when we become too reliant on our individualism because being an individual is like being a table with only one leg.
Transcript
Sometimes everything is just hard and
Leela Sinha:there's no way over or around it, you just have to go through
Leela Sinha:it. Like that kid's song that some of us grew up with, you
Leela Sinha:know, there's no way over it, there's no way around it. Well,
Leela Sinha:here we are. And sometimes everything at once is just hard.
Leela Sinha:And it's in those moments that we are most particularly
Leela Sinha:vulnerable to making bad ethical calls. Because everything is
Leela Sinha:hard and our systems are scrambling for survival. Our
Leela Sinha:systems are scrambling for a break, for a space, for any
Leela Sinha:opening, for a way up out of this valley that just seems to
Leela Sinha:go on forever. And sometimes, it seems like the only way we're
Leela Sinha:ever going to get out is if we step on someone's head. Or if we
Leela Sinha:crush that completely irreplaceable plant. Or if we
Leela Sinha:drive stakes into a wall of rock that's been there for millennia.
Leela Sinha:We've got to get out, we've got to get out, we've got to get
Leela Sinha:out. And so we do whatever we have to do to get out and there
Leela Sinha:is a certain amount of survival. And there's a certain kind of
Leela Sinha:survival that we need. And so we go after it in any way we can,
Leela Sinha:there are thresholds of survival where almost anything is
Leela Sinha:justified. But we tend to think that we're in those corners long
Leela Sinha:before we are especially if we're intensives, especially if
Leela Sinha:we feel everything at all-or-nothing levels.
Leela Sinha:Especially, especially if other people are also relying on us,
Leela Sinha:if other things are also riding on us. If we're in the public
Leela Sinha:eye. If we're in leadership roles, it's really, really easy
Leela Sinha:to think that things are at survival pitch before they are.
Leela Sinha:That things are at "anything justifies this" before they are.
Leela Sinha:It's really easy to let Machiavelli run the show. But
Leela Sinha:this is not Machiavelli's theatre, this is life. And
Leela Sinha:sometimes we need to tell him to take a seat. So what do we do?
Leela Sinha:If the ends do not justify the means? What we do if what we
Leela Sinha:think is a survival question is actually more of a "this would
Leela Sinha:be much easier if I didn't have to do this" question. How? How
Leela Sinha:do we take our power and turn it to the good when we are the ones
Leela Sinha:under stress? Well, the good news is, the good news is that
Leela Sinha:we get to use our own judgment. And the bad news is also we get
Leela Sinha:to use our own judgment. That judgment that is impaired by the
Leela Sinha:fact that we're under stress, that we might think that it's
Leela Sinha:more of a crisis than it actually is, that we don't
Leela Sinha:exactly have the perspective we need, which is why, which is why
Leela Sinha:we have other people in our lives, which is why we have
Leela Sinha:other leaders in our organizations, which is why we
Leela Sinha:ask around, but probably not on Facebook or LinkedIn. We ask
Leela Sinha:around, but we have to ask people who get it, people we
Leela Sinha:trust. And that doesn't always mean people who are doing the
Leela Sinha:exact same thing we are from inside the company. Sometimes it
Leela Sinha:means someone who has known us longer, it seems, than time
Leela Sinha:itself and can look straight through our bullshit. And
Leela Sinha:sometimes it means someone who can embrace us and tell us it's
Leela Sinha:going to be okay. And sometimes it means someone who can look
Leela Sinha:through the emotion to the logic because sometimes the logic is
Leela Sinha:what we need. And sometimes it's someone who has better intuition
Leela Sinha:than we do and can look straight through the numbers to the
Leela Sinha:truth. But almost always, it's someone outside of ourselves.
Leela Sinha:They say it's lonely at the top. And it's true. It's hard to find
Leela Sinha:the right person or the right cadre of people. It's hard to
Leela Sinha:gather that group and keep it tight. Everybody has stresses,
Leela Sinha:everybody has things that take them away, just at the moment
Leela Sinha:that you need them most. Everybody is trying to do a
Leela Sinha:little more than they can or they should, because nobody else
Leela Sinha:can do it. Because that's the state of the world right now.
Leela Sinha:And everybody is simultaneously fighting that impulse in order
Leela Sinha:to keep ourselves afloat, so that we can in fact help to
Leela Sinha:float others. It's complicated, it is not easy. And it's not
Leela Sinha:really something you can always explain to people who are not in
Leela Sinha:that position themselves.
Leela Sinha:I don't blame people who don't want to be in that position. But
Leela Sinha:I can't imagine choosing to be anywhere else except that
Leela Sinha:position even when it's desperately uncomfortable, even
Leela Sinha:when I hate it, even when I'm just sitting there at my desk at
Leela Sinha:my computer, wishing that being a barista paid better. Wishing
Leela Sinha:that my biggest problem was whether or not I was going to
Leela Sinha:make all of the coffees correctly that day. I almost
Leela Sinha:certainly would not, I would be a terrible barista, you do not
Leela Sinha:want me making your coffee. I don't even drink coffee. But
Leela Sinha:sometimes I long for the apparent simplicity of a
Leela Sinha:straightforward job with a thing that you produce that everybody
Leela Sinha:knows they want. I know it's not that simple. I know it's not
Leela Sinha:that easy. I know at least one of the people in my circle runs
Leela Sinha:a coffee shop. And she would almost certainly tell me that it
Leela Sinha:is not that easy. But here we are. Here we are backed into a
Leela Sinha:corner trying to figure out if it's a real corner. Or if it's
Leela Sinha:an illusion, if we really have no choices, or if we just can't
Leela Sinha:figure out what those choices are. And that's why we need
Leela Sinha:somebody else. That's why we need each other. Sometimes
Leela Sinha:everything is just hard. And sometimes the reason it all
Leela Sinha:seems harder than it needs to be is because we have been raised
Leela Sinha:in this culture of hyper individualism. If you're in the
Leela Sinha:West, it doesn't really matter what your sub cultural context
Leela Sinha:was. Because outside of that sub cultural context, there is the
Leela Sinha:bigger soup. And the bigger soup, this world of
Leela Sinha:entrepreneurship, the dominant cultural space, emphasizes so
Leela Sinha:much individualism, that we fall down. We fall down regularly
Leela Sinha:because being an individual is like being a table with just one
Leela Sinha:leg. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. It's, it's not a
Leela Sinha:pedestal, we don't have a broad base to help. If we had a broad
Leela Sinha:base, we would have a community, if we had more than one leg, we
Leela Sinha:would have close friends and family. And we do, sort of. But
Leela Sinha:somehow there's this valorization of getting it all
Leela Sinha:right all by yourself all on your own, no help, no help, no
Leela Sinha:help, you shouldn't need help you shouldn't- And it's
Leela Sinha:bullshit. We all need help. We are made to be interconnected.
Leela Sinha:We are made to be interdependent. That is how our
Leela Sinha:brains work. That is how our biochemistry works. That is how
Leela Sinha:our bodies work. We are made to be connected. We are made to
Leela Sinha:rely on each other, which means we need other people around us.
Leela Sinha:Who can tell us when we're trying to operate like a table
