Episode 34

kind leadership, good results

What if everybody had "I will not take it out on others" on their top priority list?

Transcript
Leela Sinha:

Hey, everyone, thanks for tuning in. So there

Leela Sinha:

are ways in which being a leader is hard. And one of the ways

Leela Sinha:

that that's hard is that we have to recognize the amount of

Leela Sinha:

influence that we have over the people who are following us.

Leela Sinha:

Whether that's the people in our companies, or whether that's our

Leela Sinha:

audience, or whether those are our clients and customers, we

Leela Sinha:

can have so much influence on the world that we're in. And

Leela Sinha:

that means that when we do stuff in public, and by 'in public' I

Leela Sinha:

mean anywhere in any of those contexts where others of those

Leela Sinha:

people will see us or hear us, we often can mess things up

Leela Sinha:

pretty badly. Because we're human, we're made of human and

Leela Sinha:

the idea that we're going to be pristinely perfect and above

Leela Sinha:

reproach is absurd and outdated. So we can just set that one

Leela Sinha:

aside, that's not happening. However, it is fair for us to

Leela Sinha:

expect ourselves, and for others to expect us, to do as well as

Leela Sinha:

we can under the circumstances in the context of spaces where

Leela Sinha:

we have influence. So for example, if I am the leader of a

Leela Sinha:

company, and I make a public statement, it's on me to try

Leela Sinha:

really hard to make that public statement as undamaging as

Leela Sinha:

possible. If I'm a leader of a small company, a micro company,

Leela Sinha:

three people, whatever, and I'm meeting with my team, and I'm

Leela Sinha:

having a crappy day, for reasons, for any reasons, really

Leela Sinha:

even ones related to the company. Taking that out on

Leela Sinha:

those people is not going to make the situation better. It's

Leela Sinha:

just not, it's not going to improve things, you do not want

Leela Sinha:

people scared of you. That's not a way to lead. I know people are

Leela Sinha:

going to disagree with me. But I believe that one does not get

Leela Sinha:

the best work and especially not the best innovative creative

Leela Sinha:

work out of people if they're scared. And when we do decide to

Leela Sinha:

let the shit roll downhill, when we do come out of the gate

Leela Sinha:

swinging in ways that we shouldn't, then it all

Leela Sinha:

eventually collects on the person at the bottom of the

Leela Sinha:

chain, whatever that is. So like, you have, you know, like

Leela Sinha:

the "Rainy Day Book," which is this, I think, 1950s children's

Leela Sinha:

book, little tiny square book, not very many pages, pen and ink

Leela Sinha:

and watercolor illustrations. And it's this story about like,

Leela Sinha:

the dad sticks his head out the door before he leaves for work,

Leela Sinha:

and it's raining. And so he is grumpy and doesn't kiss his wife

Leela Sinha:

goodbye. And so his wife is grumpy at the kid and the kid is

Leela Sinha:

gru- right like down the chain, a couple more steps. And then we

Leela Sinha:

get to the dog who gets like shoved or something, but then

Leela Sinha:

comes right back and is like waggy waggy, waggy, waggy lick,

Leela Sinha:

lick lick. And the dog turns it around. Right. So then the dog

Leela Sinha:

is nice to the kid. So the kid is nice to their siblings, the

Leela Sinha:

sibling is nice to the mom, so the mom is nice to the dad,

Leela Sinha:

right? And so everybody's happy by the end of the day. But that

Leela Sinha:

model is not necessarily the healthiest model because it

Leela Sinha:

assumes that the person that's at the bottom of the chain is

Leela Sinha:

responsible for making everybody above them happy. Like it's you

Leela Sinha:

know, if you can just be happy and kind and sweet and good

Leela Sinha:

enough, everybody else around you will feel better. That's not

Leela Sinha:

a message I would want to pass on to my kids. Just saying. And

Leela Sinha:

that is the message that our culture tends to give. So when

Leela Sinha:

we as leaders take responsibility at the top

Leela Sinha:

instead, at the beginning, and we say "I am not going to start

Leela Sinha:

that process, I am not going to be grumpy at the next person

Leela Sinha:

down" in a way that leaves them feeling bad in a way that makes

Leela Sinha:

them less resilient, less able to hold whatever happens in

Leela Sinha:

their sphere with grace, right, I'm not going to take up that

Leela Sinha:

energy from the other people. What I'm going to do is I'm

Leela Sinha:

going to own my stuff here, I'm going to keep it with me. I'm

Leela Sinha:

going to dispose of it appropriately. I'm going to

Leela Sinha:

manage it with my therapist or with my coach or, or with my

Leela Sinha:

friend but in a way that is not mean to my friend, I'm just

Leela Sinha:

going to say to my friend "Hey, can you can I vent to you for

Leela Sinha:

like 20 minutes because I'm so out of sorts and I have a

Leela Sinha:

meeting and I don't want to go into that meeting in a bad

Leela Sinha:

mood." And most of the time your friend will be like sure you can

Leela Sinha:

vent and you can just like talk about what's happening but not

Leela Sinha:

be mean to them. And then they can usually hold that space and

Leela Sinha:

then you can go into your meeting and it's fine.

Leela Sinha:

We need to carry that ethos t hat philosophy, as much as we

Leela Sinha:

can. We're all human. But as much as we can, everywhere. And

Leela Sinha:

a lot of times especially in small businesses, there's,

Leela Sinha:

there's no, there's no second in command, right? There's the

Leela Sinha:

founder. And then there are like the three team members. And

Leela Sinha:

that's it. And so you can't just say to your deputy, you know,

Leela Sinha:

leader, "listen, I'm having a bad day, can you go have that

Leela Sinha:

conversation?" Because there's nobody else to have that

Leela Sinha:

conversation, it's got to be you. And so you do, and you do

Leela Sinha:

the best that you can, hopefully. When it comes to

Leela Sinha:

larger companies, right, the influence level just gets

Leela Sinha:

magnified. Look at, you know, what if, what if Facebook, were

Leela Sinha:

trying to be good? Just trying even? Or what if, what if Uber

Leela Sinha:

were just trying to be good? Or what if, you know, what if

Leela Sinha:

everybody had in their top priority list, "I will not take

Leela Sinha:

it out on others." When a company does that-and people can

Leela Sinha:

tell- what happens is that company attract better

Leela Sinha:

employees, that company has better employee loyalty, that

Leela Sinha:

company has better customer loyalty, that company has often

Leela Sinha:

better quality products or services, because the people

Leela Sinha:

involved in producing them are happy. They feel respected. They

Leela Sinha:

feel like their humanity is important to the leadership of

Leela Sinha:

the organization. So we have a choice. As leaders, we can own

Leela Sinha:

our stuff, make sure it doesn't roll downhill and build that

Leela Sinha:

into the culture of the company. So that at every level of

Leela Sinha:

leadership, every leader decides is this useful? Is this

Leela Sinha:

effective? Is this going to help? Or is this my frustration,

Leela Sinha:

my anger, my bad day from somewhere else, whatever it is,

Leela Sinha:

my fear, my anxiety- is that what's at play here? Is that

Leela Sinha:

what's going to influence how I present this in this meeting to

Leela Sinha:

this person, to the organization itself. When we make those

Leela Sinha:

decisions consciously, when we build rituals into our days, and

Leela Sinha:

into our systems, that allow us to double-check ourselves before

Leela Sinha:

we go into a meeting or at the beginning of a meeting. And to

Leela Sinha:

be real with people like you can say, "I'm having a bad day." But

Leela Sinha:

then the next thing you say isn't, "so y'all better watch

Leela Sinha:

out." The next thing you say is something like "so I'm going to

Leela Sinha:

not make some of the decisions we were planning to make today.

Leela Sinha:

Because I just don't think that I'm in the right headspace to be

Leela Sinha:

making those choices. So we're going to put those choices off

Leela Sinha:

until tomorrow. I need to take a break, take some sleep, I know

Leela Sinha:

nobody else can make those decisions. So I'm going to have

Leela Sinha:

to make them, but not in this headspace. I just- that would

Leela Sinha:

not be responsible and I'm not going to do it." When we do that

Leela Sinha:

on an individual level, on a leadership level, and on an

Leela Sinha:

organizational level, then we start to shift the world toward

Leela Sinha:

a better way of being. Is this all a long winded way of saying

Leela Sinha:

"own your shit?" Yes. Is it also a reminder that we're all human?

Leela Sinha:

Also yes. And we need to find ways of being human that are

Leela Sinha:

kind and that allow us to make the world a better place. Thanks

About the Podcast

Show artwork for PowerPivot
PowerPivot
...Where we talk about business, ethics, community- and the way it all fits together.

About your host

Profile picture for Leela Sinha

Leela Sinha