daydream a little

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Here's what I want. I want all of us to get our

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hopes up. I want us to get our hopes up so high and clear. I

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want us to get our hopes up to the place where we can barely

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reach them with our fingertips. I want to get our hopes up. I

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personally want to get our hopes up starting with mine. I'm tired

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of keeping my expectations low. I'm tired of hoping that I

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didn't hope for too much. I'm tired of trying to avoid the

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plane crash before it takes off. I'm tired of staying on the

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ground. I'm tired. I'm tired of all of this. And I want us to

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get our hopes up so high. So high, we float above the trees

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and the mountain tops so that we can see how everything how

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everything how everything is connected. Like in the Sword in

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the Stone when he goes flying. And there are no borders from up

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there. It's not entirely true that there are no borders. When

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I was 19 and I flew to France to study abroad, I looked down from

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the plane window as we took off from New York. And I saw my

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familiar landscape, the woods of New England, but they were

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criss-crossed with something I had never noticed before. In all

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of the flying I had done, I had never seen New England quite

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like this before. It was criss-crossed with these little

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black lines, these little black lines everywhere, everywhere

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coming and going. Irregular, unpredictable, broken. And I

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realized after a while, those lines, those lines are the stone

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walls, those the stone walls that I took for granted until I

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moved out of New England and discovered that not every place

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is made 50% rocks and 50% dirt. But as it turns out, those rock

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walls tell us the story of a piece of the history of that

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land. Just a piece. But those borders are ones that are easily

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crossed. And when you meet with your neighbor to walk the stone

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wall and put the stones back in place, it's not to keep you

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apart. Boundaries are not the worst thing in the world as it

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turns out. And getting our hopes up is a kind of open-ness to

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boundaried-ness that will allow us to move forward. Having your

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hopes up is sometimes about believing in people's abilities

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to do better, to do good, to meet the world where it needs to

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be met. And that's what these walls are. That's what these

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boundaries are. That's what these hopes are: these hopes

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that you will not encounter too much terribleness in front of

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you when you walk out the front door with your coffee. That

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there will be enough space for you to believe in the goodness

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of the world just one more day just once more, perhaps? Maybe

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twice. Let's find out. Let's keep walking. Let's keep moving.

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Let's keep opening doors. Let's keep rolling forward. Let's keep

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going and keep going and keep going. Let's not have to stop

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because the barriers are too high. Let's make sure that those

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stairs also have a ramp. Let's make sure that everybody can get

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through that door. I had an experience recently where

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someone I love was supposed to have something they wanted very

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much. And at the last minute, it didn't happen. It's still gonna

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happen. But it's going to be a minute or two or six months

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worth of minutes. And while they wait, they have to manage the

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possibility that they wanted it too much, which is not really a

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possibility. But we learn over time when we don't get and don't

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get and don't get and our needs get sidestepped and moved aside

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and pressed down and squashed and rolled over, that maybe our

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needs don't matter; that maybe hoping for something, wanting it

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deeply is the wrong way to go.

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And there is a funny thing that happens. If you're desperate for

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something, it's very tricky to find your way out of that

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desperation. And almost always it is when you find your way out

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of that desperation that you are then able to get the thing that

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you needed or wanted. Even if it feels like it's outside of your

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control. It's this weird... I don't know. I don't have words

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for it. But I do know that I'm trying to simultaneously hold

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the possibility of hope, and walk and move and roll and fly

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and dream toward hope. But not just hope, because hope is, is

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empty satisfaction; also toward action. Also, toward action.

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Toward believing. Believing, not only in the possibility of

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action, but the reality of action. Believing that even if

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it doesn't come today it might come tomorrow. Believing that

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these words, these ideas, this podcast, this place, will reach

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out into the world and somehow tip over some domino, hit some

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butterfly's wing, make some breeze somewhere that will

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circle back and transform something. Something.

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Something's gotta change, and we are the ones who have to change

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it. And that can feel so overwhelming until we remember

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that change starts at home, change starts right here, in my

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two hands, in my throat, in my mouth, on my tongue, in my

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dreams. Where I get my hopes up by imagining what else could be.